I did some digging into the male mind and uncovered the things men need in marriage but don’t know how to ask for.
Married men are supposed to be simple creatures, right?
They only want two things—food and sex. Right?
Okay, maybe not completely wrong. But let’s be honest: society has boxed men into this idea that their needs are basic and that they don’t desire anything deeper.
Because they’re not always as vocal as women, we assume they don’t have other needs. But that’s far from the truth.
Men have needs, too, and thanks to certain societal expectations, they often struggle to express them. It’s not just about us, married women, wanting all the love, attention, and everything else we want.
The question is, do we even pay attention to the needs of our husbands? And even if they don’t outrightly ask for something, how often do we give them these things?
Now, let me spill all of the secrets to you.
Things Men Need In Marriage But Don’t Know How To Ask For
1. He Wants You To Respect Him
When I say a married man needs respect from his wife, this isn’t about subjugating her or demanding that she do things she’s not comfortable doing.
Trust me, it’s far from that.
The hard truth is that respect is one of the biggest things men need in marriage but don’t know how to ask for it.
He won’t outrightly say it because he doesn’t want you to think he’s trying to control you.
Yes, respect should be mutual in a relationship, but for men, it goes deeper.
To a man, respect = love. It tells him he’s valued, appreciated, and important to you.
Now, before you assume he wants old-school submission, pause.
Respect looks different for every man.
You need to figure out what makes your man feel respected. It could be as little as the way you speak to him, acknowledge his efforts, or trust his decisions.
2. He Wants You To Be Independent of Him
I once had a guy tell me, “You bore me.”
Ouch. I was pained.
When I asked why, he said I didn’t seem to have much going on for myself.
Looking back, I realized I had wrapped my entire world around him, lost myself in the relationship, and in turn, suffocated him.
No healthy man wants a clingy woman.
He loves that you adore him, but he also wants you to have a life of your own. Your passion, your interests, your drive—those things make you even more attractive to him.
Yes, you’re his wife, but he secretly wants you to have a world that doesn’t totally revolve around him.
Keep building yourself. Stay interesting. Stay you.
3. He Wants You To Initiate Intimacy
Yes, sex is important. But do you know what’s equally important?
Feeling desired.
Another thing men need in marriage but don’t know how to ask for is a wife who initiates intimacy. It’s one thing to respond to his advances, but it’s another thing entirely to take the lead.
A man wants to feel wanted, not just like he’s fulfilling a duty.
And let’s be honest, using intimacy as a weapon or bargaining tool?
Huge mistake.
Surprise him sometimes. Let him know you crave him just as much.
Trust me; he’ll be wrapped around your finger.
4. He Wants You To Show Him Non-Sexual Affection
Contrary to what movies tell us, men don’t always have sex on their minds (except if he’s a sex addict, then… well, that’s a different issue).
Sometimes, all they want is a hug. A kiss on the forehead. To hold hands while watching TV.
But they may not say it because society has taught them that needing affection makes them weak.
Small gestures of non-sexual affection build emotional intimacy. And a man who feels emotionally connected to you? He’ll continually love you to pieces in that marriage.
So, start by being all feminine around him.
5. He Wants His Personal Space
Let’s be real—sometimes, men just need a breather.
And no, it doesn’t mean he’s losing interest in you or planning to cheat.
It just means he needs time to think, recharge, or even hang out with his boys.
But here’s the problem—when men ask for space, we often take it personally. Marriage requires that both of you will always be in each other’s faces most of the time, and the truth is, it can get boring.
Understand that there are times when he just wants to be all by himself, probably to rethink, reset, and have his personal time.
You don’t need to see it as something too deep because, even as women, there are times we crave personal space as well.
So, know when to give him his space. Yes, you’re married, but we still embrace the place of individuality.
6. He Wants You To Give Him A Listening Ear
Ever started talking to someone only to be cut off with advice you didn’t ask for? Or worse, judgment?
Annoying, right?
Well, men experience this a lot.
Sometimes, he just wants to vent. Not to be criticized. Not to be “fixed.” Just to be heard.
So the next time he shares something with you, resist the urge to mother him or dish out advice. Just listen.
7. He Wants You To Be His Fun Wife
A marriage without friendship is just a duty.
Yes, life gets serious, and responsibilities pile up.
But that’s exactly why men crave a wife who knows how to lighten the mood.
He may not say it outright, but he wants to laugh with you, be silly, and enjoy simple moments.
So crack jokes, play games, and be spontaneous. Let him experience the joy of being married to his best friend.
8. He Needs Your Emotional Support
“Behind every great man is a strong woman.”
Cliché? Maybe. True? Absolutely.
Life is brutal. He’s out there fighting battles—work stress, financial struggles, personal doubts. And when he comes home, he wants to feel safe.
Your words, encouragement, and belief in him mean more than you know.
Be his cheerleader, not his biggest critic.
Because if he doesn’t feel supported at home, he’ll look for that validation elsewhere.
9. He Wants You To Appreciate Him More
Want to know a secret?
A man who feels appreciated will go above and beyond for you.
One of the biggest things men need in marriage but don’t know how to ask for is simple: a “thank you,” a “wow, I love how you handled that,” or even a smile when he does something for you.
It seems small, but it makes a huge difference.
A man who doesn’t feel appreciated? He checks out emotionally.
When that happens, the marriage starts to crumble.
So, even on the days when he doesn’t meet your expectations in that marriage, reminisce over the good and beautiful things he’s done for you and the marriage, and appreciate him for that.
Wrapping Up
Men may not always say what they need, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.
In a world that tells them to “man up” and suppress their emotions, they end up bottling up their true desires. And unfortunately, that’s why so many struggle in silence.
Understanding your husband’s needs makes you wise.
And trust me, when a man feels truly seen, valued, and supported? He’ll move mountains for you in that marriage.
